Today’s chinese dance practice was hardcore, from 8am to 5pm. It was in the AVT and we focused on the couple-dance more. The new steps I was assigned for the couple dance with Peixuan was darn difficult, ~2 seconds and have to strike another pose! She’s kinda light compared to Wanting, because I do do a couple of fast spins carrying her … so much that we both became dizzy. I finally got to use the umbrella prop! FINALLY. The latter part was more challenging, have to hold her waist from the back and carry her up , though I mistaken the teacher’s instruction and tried tossing her up… haha.
Then oops … she said her back’s bruised after some many attempts (I think there’s at least 25 tries). She taught me some new words she picked up at Korea and that one particular word I could remember clearly was Ajumma, and I linked to her name everytime. Seriously, the sweet she bought from Korea, tasted like those I would find in my nearby provision shop =/
My right leg is finally stable, so much that I can even tahan Wengling’s weight 
Wanting loves to claw my head with her nails when she loses her balance … pain.
Went to play soccer with Ze Yi, Cazua, Alex, and Steven after dance, picking up a serious cramp on my right leg after playing for an hour or so. I think I should have quite expected it, having the girls’ weights stressed on my right leg for more than 2 hours for today. It was dinner after that and then went home at 9pm. There’s still school tomorrow and for the rest of this week (and much of november).
It is such things that I would not show, that I would not say, that I would not admit. The words of a lover, they are risks I wouldn’t want to take, and words like ‘I love you’ are hard to say, and perhaps never meant to be said to you. I thought it would be best to keep it neutral, on the surface, it is as though there’s nothing special. Yet deep inside, I know, and maybe you too, that I do wish to say those words of a lover much … so much that it is killing me inside everytime I think about it.
Don’t tell me but it feels like … love? I’m not sure if I need somebody to talk to, because I’m not sure if I’m courageous enough to tell my concerns … but being unable tell if it somethings are real or imagined, is killing me.
FEEL.oftheday
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day.ONE
{ twenty-fifth october }
Reached school as per normal, at 7.10am and I took a cab down there since I don’t enjoy carrying so many bags on a public transport. I thought I would look like some kind of potential terrorist that way.
After singing the national anthem, we had a briefing and went into our groups soon. Friends were separated but one or two close ones will still be that same group. I went into group 12, which consist of familiar faces such as Darren, Shawn, Vignesh and Lilin. We soon found ourselve merging with group 11, and those I’m familiar with are Edward, Kamal, Weiling, Sara. Weiling was sort of unlucky during the selection of groups, as she was in the same group as Xiuwei initially … only to realise the teacher-in-charge pronounced her name wrongly as Wengling, and so Weiling is separated from Xiuwei’s group :/
We then went off to Raffles Marina to have activities, which were rock-climbing and kayaking. Aloysius was assigned as our group 12 instructor. Before we got started with any activities, there was a spot-check and items were confiscated quickly such as MP3 and handphones, but damn, my playing cards are confiscatd as well :/
We had our lunch in the carpark and the food was like, yucks? It was kinda terrible but we still had to finish it.
We went for rock-climbing and I managed to reach the 2nd marker only. For Kayaking, we had a water-confidence test and then I paired with Weiling and our kayak is pretty insane since I love paddling at high speed and crash into others. We then had to arrange our kayaks in a single file after travelling a distance, and we stood up to sing songs before going on our missions. We were pretty skeptical about standing on our kayaks singing song but we managed to do it after some discussions and planning.
Nearly everyone slept on the bus while on our way to the Dairy Farm. There weren’t any cows, no cheese, no beef, only monkeys and insects … and luohan fishes (Miss Loh’s friends ^_^ ) We had campfire preoparations, then dinner which didnt taste well and then a blindfolded game. We just practised singing campfire songs after that and my voice was fading after every shout. Finally supper and debrief, it was showertime. The water was so damn cold and we are only allowed to bathe … in 3 minutes! Lights out was terrible when we did’t felt like sleeping. Edward exposed his own secrets but I’m not obliged to write ‘em here. Kayu was so funny, kept running around and playing with the torchlight. Darren knocked his head when laughing out loud and Edward, kept giggling over Kayu’s actions.
Dorm 3A was awaken in the middle of the night as apparently, they had some war between the people upstairs and people downstairs. Wasn’t exactly a good sleep as I woke up several times and had to rely on my arm as pillow. And so, that was the end of DAY ONE.
The song that kept playing in my mind that day/night was Too Serious Too Soon.
I wonder where you where
I wonder what your thinking about tonight, I wonder.
Maybe you’re alone, maybe you’ve been crying just like me, I wonder.
I don’t know why I lost your touch,
maybe I wanted to be loved too much.
Maybe you got scared,
Maybe I have nothing else to say,
But I love you,
So baby now my life’s a mess,
Cause I couldn’t love you any less.
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before.
day.TWO
{ twenty-sixth october }
Woke up at around 6.10am, since I’m not wearing a watch, I don’t really keep track of time. I guess that is what makes time pass faster. Our breakfast was nasi-lemak which tasted better after some complaints by us. We cleaned up the canteen and then proceeded with activities.
Our team-building game was harry potter, which we had to stand on benches in a single file and rearrange ourselve without getting off the benches. We succeeded with every second try but it is quite terrible being stuffed and squeezed around.
Then, we played a rope-swinging game and Aloysius stated that we’re the team who completed it so quickly, and fastest in fact. The wall-climbing one was a little more challenging, Yong Fa is always the first to climb up so he can assist us with his incredible amount of strength. It is me after him, then the girls and back to the guys in order of climbing the wall.
Our next activity was abseiling and I volunteered to be the first. Most should know that I’m afraid of heights but only to a certain extent. I’m actually quite terrified when climbing up that tower but somehow, I just wanted to do it. And yes, I did it =) The second activity was Zipline/Flying Fox, and I’m the first on my team to try it again. I didn’t really have the guts to jump off that tower on my own but yea, somehow I just followed my heart, freakin’ try it. It was a bumpy ride and I swear my expression look hilarious on the way down.
We then had lunch which again, tasted better. It was chicken curry rice. After lunch, we went to have some circus-like activities … such as walking on wires and logs? I only tried the one that walks on 2 wires (the highest from ground level activity among the rest!) and I’m really really frightened on my way up. It just felt like my heart was jumping out but I still managed to clear it. We then witnessed an interesting sight when Christopher slips off the wire and the female instructor (belayer) got pulled up!
It rained after that and we were left to dicuss what we are gonna perform for campfire, but nothing really worked out right. Seeing that, the instructor had us played a game instead. We had to guess a movie via the person’s acting and it was pretty easy in a way, but I can’t suggest any movies for my team since Edward knew what movies I’ve watched before already.
So its dinner, and then campfire. Huijun was the highlight of the performances when we had him do the seductive dance to end ours. No marshmallows, hmph!
I fell asleep pretty quickly and Weekeong told me I was unmovable last night when I dropped dead. I heard that some got caught smoking and the instructor invaded our dorm with shouts and stuffs, then there was party in the dorm by some of the indian students. But I knew nothing of it until morning when they told me. Guess I’m really dead huh … after not sleeping well for nearly a week already.
The song that kept playing in my mind that day/night was Red Bean.
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day.THREE
{ twenty-seventh october }
Finally day 3, the day to go home. I can never believe I manage to sleep in such a small place, when Edward’s leg stretched til I’m only left with a small space and with Cheng Hao who somehow someway managed to squeeze into our area, I’m really suffering :/
The grasshopper invaded our dorm as well, and it was pretty big. We had our breakfast which sucked big time, and this was the only meal I didn’t went for a second round. We then had to clean our dorms, which included the toilet but I’m not involved. Shawn sprayed water via the water-gun at the grasshopper and it seemed pretty funny. A final debrief and prize presentaion, then we’re off back to school for our report books.
Finally a decent meal at the coffee shop outside school with Ze Yi and Cazua, and we played cards until 1pm to collect our report books. It was like ARGHH when I saw my level position … I went down by about 10 positions! Oh well, just have to work hard next year then. Edward can finally have a peace of mind when he sees himself promoted after worrying about it for the past days. So far, I’ve heard that 2 ex-2e1 classmates retained … damn.
It was a tiresome 3 days but I think it was some experience I’ve had. Should I say, that is another luggage of memories for this life?
FEEL.oftheday
It’s a long, long road
But I’ll always come back to you
I don’t know which way to turn
But I feel it’s the right thing to do
There’s too much for me to learn
But I’ll always come back to you
3 days hiatus from online mode, heading to the secondary 3 camp tomorrow and spending that 3 days over at MOE Dairy Farm. Cow and milk were the first things that came to my mind when that location was revealed … good thing I love both beef and milk.
Ain’t gonna bring my iPod, and then my handphone is staying home, so that is hell. Listening to songs is part of my life, or at least, it seemed like one since I always use them to express my feelings. I guess I’ll just have to play those songs in my brain for that 3 days …
I watched 3 movies today, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers / Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and Innocent Steps. So that is like, 8 hours of watching movie today. But I’m bored, my routine’s so empty … and I practised my dance steps for an hour before writing this entry.
Every day that passes, I feel a little more bored yet a little happier because the dateline is coming closer … yet knowing I still have to count down the days.
These miss you nights are the longest.
FEEL.oftheday
Cause I miss you,
body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away,
and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.
Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right,
and though I can’t be with you tonight,
you know my heart is by your side.
There are just no words left for me to describe my yearning this time, the sleep yesterday night was sure long when I woke up more than 3 times in that single night. Guess what, this time I do remember my dream … all about it. If what you really want in real life is reflected in what you dream, then I think this desire of mine is getting stronger everyday.
FEEL.oftheday
But when I need you, you’re almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I’d left you)
And when I hold you, you’re almost here
(Well I’m sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I’m with you, I’m close to tears
‘Cause I know I’m almost here)
Only almost here
I guess I’ll blog about what happened today on the next day, since I’m pretty tired inside-out to recall every detail.
It just gets on my nerves when parents tell me every little damn thing about money and stuffs. It doesn’t really matter to them whether I get any trophies, won any competitions, made any extra-activities achievements … because the first damn thing my mum will ask is whether is there was cash prize. It is like fuck, so why the hell should I bother to let her know if I won stuffs or not, because I mean, what is the use of telling her, she doesn’t even realise the sense of … satisfaction I have in me.
I’m gonna keep my Annual Achivement Award somewhere she will never find, knowing that she will be asking that freakin’ same question again. Everytime she asks, I’m just disappointed. Maybe more than that, I don’t even feel like asking my family to come for the cultural night. So what if she comes, so what if she sees, is she gonna ask the same cursed question if I get paid for performing? Now, I can’t even be bothered to tell her what happened in school, it just breaks my heart everytime she shoves off my passions and dreams.
I ain’t gonna walk out of my room after I typed this, I’m just staying in my room to prevent any unecessary conflicts since I’m not in a very good mood. Something I learnt today as well, never get my hopes high … and I mean never … especially when your parents hint about something. If they ain’t gonna mean what they say, then I am also going back on my words … for everything I’ve promised before.
FEEL.oftheday
Won’t you please hurry back now that I need you so?
To drive away all my sorrow and to guide me.
Bring the sound of your happiness into my loneliness,
To exorcise all the demons that live inside of me.
Life without you’s like a stranger,
Full of shadows, full of danger.
